" October is cancer month. In memory of every cancer patient, family member and friend who has lost their battle with cancer and in honor of those who continue to conquer it! Put this up for 1 hour if you love someone who has or had cancer. Many won't copy and paste, I did. Will you? ♥ "
Saw this on fb, and i immediately copy and paste into my status. Yes, i love someone who had cancer. stil loving deeply. fatherly love for 17yrs. yes, 17years is rather short. I dont get a chance to choose th duration, i didnt appreciate the time i had wit him, his presence and everything that's gotta do with him.
Friends tht know me for long, friends tht are close to me, friends tht accompanied me and stay by my side during th hardest time of th 18yrs, 10March2008 know it isnt th first time im talking about this, it isnt the first time im typing how much i regretted for nt treasuring my beloved dad.
Now again, yes again im going type about it again.
Thinking back at th moment when i reached th hospital, not knowing tht he had alr leave us i was forced into ICU. being an unfilial daughter, i didnt dare to enter into th ICU to visit my dad, i always look at him thru th glass. i dkw wth im afraid of, he's my dad yet im afraid, slap me hard. After knowing he had left us, i just cant stop crying, shouting for him, hoping on smth impossible ; his return. Tht moment, was really bad. Its like, i went off th night after tht critical 48hours th doc mentioned. And i went back to see him th next afternoon, he's no longer there.
Yes, we arent close. we dont talk as much as other father and daughter did, we dont joke ard much wit each other unless he's really in good mood, i always complain tht he'll not let me watch my channel 8 shows bcus he love to watch channel 5 shows. i always complain tht he doesnt allow me to stay up late in th night, he'll alway wake up in th middle of th night to scold me and forced me to bed. We hardly communicate. Ever since young, it has been like tht. But afterall, he's stil my daddy. without him, there's no me, i wont be who i am now, i wont be leading such a awesome life now. we might not had show hw much we actually love each other, but im sure there's love. fatherly love. th one and only for th whole of my life.
Till now, seeing how close father and daughter are out in th streets. i just couldnt stop blaming myself for not treasuring him. i knw every thing is jus too late, i will nv get him back ever again. He, made me treasure my loved one even more, he made me realise how situation can change in spilt secs. Nothing is predictable, we know nothing about th future.
sigh, when can i ever dream of him agn? :(
i just miss him so much, those times we had tgt, even thou it was short and little. memories ; tt's all im left wit when it come to my beloved daddy. There's practically nothing i can ever do to make me not feel guilty or sad when it comes to him. Hope you're doing fine up there, enjoy th next journey of yours. Dont ever forget us, yr three children and mummy.
its always like tht,
we've to experience ourselves. tht's when we really understand th meaning of treasuring yr loved ones, tt's when we understand hw aching it can really be. I knw one fine day everyone has to die. but can this particular one fine day come only after thousands of years later? Can everyone on earth die tgt thousands years later, so tht no one has to feel sad, no one hav to regret.
Im proud to have you, daddy.
I'll study hard and make you proud.
I'll make sure i'll let mum lead a good life, let mum be th happiest and most fortunate woman on earth.
I'll not only be only her daughter, but also a 'husband' to her, never to let her feel lonely after yr death.
2years, 7months and 6days.